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I read Nancy Verriers The Primal Wound some years ago. This book promises to take things a stage further and offer some answers to the problems she identifies.Reading the opening chapters the resonance is incredibly strong. The early programming resulting from separation from ones birth mother at birth is wholly recognisable in my own experience - the constant living in adrenalised fight or flight mode, the deep seated fear of abandonment, the difficulty concentrating and so many others.Verrier argues that separating newborn from birth mother amounts to abuse, an abuse so primal and beyond recall for the child that it has a profound effect thats very difficult to bring into the conscious mind and deal with. Yet this book is about tackling those traits because, as she puts it (I paraphrase); while you may have every reason to act like you do that doesnt mean that any one else is necessarily going to be prepared to put up with it.This is very true. Were all dealt a hand and its about how we play it. And progress is possible. Having now more or less finished it Ill allow that it has a lot to be said in its favour. I found one passage, describing anecdotally how some adult adoptees can sometimes comfort adopted babies better than their adoptive parents as incredibly close to home to the point of being painful. It provided a profound moment of catharsis and realisation.However I have some serious reservations. Verriers moralising over sexuality and other issues stinks. Id be furious if I found a therapist I was seeing passing judgement in so harsh a manner. It seems to be rooted in nothing more than her own personal views. If someone chooses to be non-monogamous and its a positive choice dont carp. Not everyone shares her very American Christo-centric morality. The issue isnt about sex but self medication and Verrier doesnt make this vital distinction. The other profoundly irksome thing is her coming across as a genetic determinist. She keeps going on about how adopted children instinctively feel themselves to be out of their proper environment and that they miss their genetic home. Batshit crazy nonsense and not substantiated at all.Looking up my birth mother (lovely though she is) actually served to underscore just how much Ive absorbed from my adoptive family. It feels far more like home, just as my larger family is the one Ive built for myself from assorted misfits, friends and lovers and my adorable son. So while Ive got a lot from this book theres a lot I feel able to toss out with considerable disdain as opinionated, judgemental and unsupported by research.

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